I’m not someone who struggles with depression. Anxiety comes and goes and I’ve learned how to see it coming, and also how to manage it as best as I can. I’m not great at it, especially as a mom, but every day I get better.
This has been a heavy month. We are still mired in this pandemic that is full of so much sadness and pain. I have seen some people flourish and I applaud them for their resilience; however, I have also seen children fleeing from masks, and little ones being coached not to get close to people. I’ve watched celebrations of monumental moments get passed up for fear of spreading the virus. I’ve seen the passing of a grandma come and go without any goodbye or celebration of her life—the grandchildren are simply expected to process the shock and to mourn it alone. I’ve watched people overwork and have no life balance, while others have fallen apart because they had no work. It’s been a social experiment in front of all our eyes, and it has left me profoundly sad.
Now we are dealing with massive fires. Towns going up in flames. Acres of beauty getting wiped out. Everyone is feeling it whether they are directly impacted or are an observer trying to find fresh air to breathe.
It’s gotten the best of me and I’ve been taking too much on personally.
It’s a big deal for me when I can’t shake my negative perception of a situation. It’s a big deal when I can’t turn my emotions around and make the most of my quiet time and meditation. That is my happy time, and if I can’t find calm there, where do I go?
Today I meditated right after a yoga session. My body was filled with love. I could see the faces of ladies who will soon be joining my Leadership Development Program (my career is in consulting and leadership training) and I felt honored and excited to be working with this new group of individuals. I felt love toward family and friends and I could specifically focus on my children’s faces while sending them my prayers, blessings and encouragement for a wonderful day.
I was on a cloud and I took a moment to question why? What turned this around? What happened last night as I slept to bring this beautiful perspective and energy my way?
And then it totally hit me.
I spent a few hours last night with my grandbaby, my daughter, and my oldest daughter’s closest friend. I had quality time with three beautiful humans whom I just love.
I held that grandbaby in my arms the whole night, as she went back and forth from monkeying around to hugging me. We played pretend and used only our hands to communicate like dinosaurs. We giggled and cuddled and sang.
I filled my tank!
It had been some time since I last saw her and it ended up being the perfect medicine for my heavy heart.
I couldn’t let go of this deep knowing that to spend time with those you love, real quality time, has so much power. I know even the best intentions can get away from us, but if we can just focus on conversations that cheer us up and make us smile, we can soak up so much goodness. I noticed that we each shared how we were feeling and really listened to one another. We laughed, we shared photos and videos, we even talked about some tough political stuff that we cared to learn more about. I think for me, the extra special sauce is when we are really present for others and we show it in how we engage. The holding hands, the hugs, the laughing and the eye contact—No distractions with phones.
It was pure medicine for my heart, body and soul. I know it doesn’t erase all the trauma so many are experiencing, but it sure helps us to battle through it and to be better for ourselves and for others.
Thank you, baby girls…I needed you all last night and I’m so grateful you reminded me of the real gift of family and friends.