I had another amazing Aba adventure this past weekend!
My two great friends plan these incredible camping trips, with the goal of finding isolated campsites near secret trailheads for us to explore. I’m always excited to go, but you know how it is to be so busy that you leave the packing and planning ‘til the last minute and then feel all stressed trying to get out the door? It happens to me every. damn. time. When will I learn?
And then something else happens every time. I end up feeling more blessed than ever, in awe of what my friends do to make these trips happen. And by the time we have to leave our glorious camp, we can’t wait to make plans for our next trip.
This most recent getaway was a 3-day/2-night, deep canyon campout, where we enjoyed lots of hiking during the day and slept blissfully under the stars. We encountered such spectacular views, found fossils from ancient sea beds, scoped out cool sandstone domes, and hung out in wind caves 1700 feet above sea level. We even discovered a few dry waterfalls—one that turned into a fun scaling adventure up roughly 25-30 feet of rock!
I can’t even begin to express how happy I was out there. I felt like I was experiencing the inspiration for The Little Mermaid, Cars, and Star Wars all at once. The Aba in me wanted to be with Elena and show her all the magic in this beautiful land, while the child in me wanted to become an archaeologist so I could better understand what these beautiful rock formations can tell us.
In addition to the incredible adventure, was the even more incredible conversation I had with one of my friends on the trip. Get this…my weekend’s key takeaway was on self love! Um, OK, I didn’t see that coming.
My “aha” moment hit when my friend pointed out that I have a very self-deprecating sense of humor. Wait, do I? Hmmm, maybe I do. I needed to ponder this one a bit.
If someone were to ask me if I think highly of myself, I’d say yes. I’m proud of what I’ve done in my life and what I’ve achieved in my career. My family, my relationships, my health? All good. Great, even. Still, hearing someone else mention how I repeatedly make comments about myself which might not be so kind—or bemoan my curse to be single the rest of my life—made me realize that I do have some negative scripts in my head that seem to keep finding their way out.
Whether in humorous or serious situations, putting myself down is not okay. I think I’m being funny in the moment, but when someone who cares about me hears it, they don’t want to laugh along. Nor do they think it’s amusing to watch me do that.
What came to mind as I reflected on all of this, was a heartbreaking memory of my daughter as she was struggling with an eating disorder. She specifically called me out, saying, “How can I love myself, Mom, when you are so amazing and you don’t love yourself? How will I ever be good enough?” (Ugh, knife to the chest….)
And I guess I still haven’t learned. But I’m going to!
I will not continue this meaningless habit and have my example make my children or granddaughter think that they are not worthy enough. It’s true that the self doubt is there; I feel it. But it’s not my TRUTH, and I will work to change my language.
I am strong, I am loved, I am worthy, I am enough. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqpNGYbcy3U
In our roles as matriarchs, we need to remember that we are always being watched; and what we say, do and think will influence our families, whether directly or indirectly.
I think you need those special people in your life who are brave enough to hold up their mirror and show you who you are. I welcome the insight and I love the mutual desire we have to help one another be our best selves. I will get off track and fall back on bad habits, but with this greater awareness, I’ll be better. I’ll keep my friends close to help me continue to see what I can’t always see on my own.
Together, we are strong, we are loved, we are worthy, we are enough!
Aba
Jen Porcher
